The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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