if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
