nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
