I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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