i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
