i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
