90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
