i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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