Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
