No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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