i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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