I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
