Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
