My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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