Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
