he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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