In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
