You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
