You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
