i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
