it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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