She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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