Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think a kid would responsible me up
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
