If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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