alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
