A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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