JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
