I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
