I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
