I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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