he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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