I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
where are my eyebrows?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
