I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
