I wish life had little blips of pornography
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
