i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
