people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
