Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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