New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
