Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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