hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
