is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
