I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
