I want to walk on stilts...naked
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We're too hungover to prance.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
