I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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