question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
