I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
