we have pet lesbian snakes
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
