We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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