I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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