If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
