i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
