Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
