Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Shame - the story of my life.
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