Sry I called you an 8
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
