I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
