I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
