Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
