i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
