how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
